Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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