Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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