i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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