last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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