Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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