So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
