Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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