walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
being pregnant is like rehab
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
