I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
