Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
