If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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