He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
