I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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