so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
