Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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