sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
