I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
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