okay pat passed out under dana's car
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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