are you so shy because you have an std?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Found the puke drawer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
