omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
