The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
