It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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