This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
