I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
