yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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