I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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