i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
