dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
