So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
