his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
