dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
