Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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