I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
