Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
then he tried to convert me to islam
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
