Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
