yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
