this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
