Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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