you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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