Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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