Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I deserve this hangover.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
