I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He felt like a one man threesome
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
