Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
