It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
