you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
