He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
