carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
