just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
did i just pee glitter
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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