Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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