she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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