the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
bring money and cleavage
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
