I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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