Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
