I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I touched a dick in church today
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